I am grateful to one of my most brilliant teachers, Dr. William F. Fry, Jr., who has written eloquently about the history of humor being so feared by some of the most the powerful leaders of nations that they went to great lengths to severely suppress it. (I saw that a few years ago in Venezuela under Chavez.)
|"No person can be truly at peace with himself if he does not live up to his moral capacity."Norman Cousins (1915-1990)|
BEGINNING TO MAKE THE CONNECTIONS
Humor and laughter have the power to help or to hurt; to lift people up or tear people down; to bring people together by showing us what we have in common, or to divide us by emphasizing our differences. Properly applied, humor has healing power. According to Allen Klein, a pioneer in the therapeutic humor movement, "Humor can help you cope with the unbearable so that you can stay on the bright side of things until the bright side actually comes along."
Toxic situations arise when humor is misused. Zingers, insults, and put-downs can be wielded by a “hostile humor tyrant” who hurts someone’s feelings and then denies responsibility by claiming, paradoxically, that it was only a joke.
Abuse results from one person taking undue advantage, for selfish benefit, of their power over another person**.
|"I was only kidding."|
Unresolved paradoxes lead to quandaries, befuddlement, confusion, uncertainty, and maybe a headache. These states of mind are not particularly conducive to mirth, humor or laughter.
A wry definition of maturity is the power to do whatever you want even if your parents are in favor of it. The dictionary definition of power is: (1) ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something. (2) great or marked ability to do or act; strength; might; force. (3) the possession of control or command over others; authority; ascendancy: i.e., power over men's minds.
To help us understand more about this topic, so that we do a better job of harnessing the positive power of humor and laughter, here is a list of some truths about the paradoxes of power in Sheldon Kopp's*, "Rock, Paper, Scissors" (CompCare Publishers, Minneapolis, 1989).
1. Rock breaks scissors, scissors cut paper, paper covers rock. Power depends on the situation.
2. Everyone has dreams of triumph and fantasias of humiliation.
3. No matter how powerful we are, or think we are, some people are stronger.
4. However powerless we may feel, others are weaker.
5. Sometimes life is so out of control that there is nothing we can do to make things right.
6. Self-esteem based on feeling powerful is weak.
7. Be confident that you will continue to make mistakes.
8. Whether we have too much or too little, power is always a problem.
9. The excessive use of power may ruin what you set out to improve.
10. The freedom to do as you please is one kind of power.
11. Coping with helplessness is another.
12. We must give up trying to control others.
13. Inner power comes from loving others, not from being loved.
14. We must temper appreciation for power when we have it with respect for others when they don't.
15. We must learn to take responsibility for both our power and our helplessness. It sounds simple; but it isn't easy!
16. It takes one kind of courage to wait patiently and another to get on with it.
17. In our right pocket we need to keep one reminder: "For my sake, God created the universe,” and another in our left pocket: "I am dust and ashes."
18. There is no way for any of us to be totally on top of every aspect of our lives.
19. We will only succeed some of the time. The only thing we can do is keep trying.
20. No one is ever totally safe from harm.
21. Willingness to risk can bring rewards we can't get otherwise.
22. If we choose to run scared, our capacity for love is limited.
23. Timid lives are very dull.
24. If we learn to tell false alarms from real ones, we can decide which risks are worth taking.
25. When we deal with fear, the way out is in.
26. Without trust, we can't accept the intimacy of gently holding an other's trembling heart in our hands, or placing ours in theirs.
27. We're all helpless when it comes to predicting what will happen next.
28. None of us feels safe being completely open.
29. If no one knows you, who can love you?
30. Denial increases the dangers of what we fear.
31. Too often we form negative attachments rather than face the fear of being alone.
32. Inner power has less to do with pleasing others than it does with doing as we please.
33. Defying or complying with authority has nothing to do with living freely.
34. We don't have the power to make someone love us.
35. Laughter is the sound of freedom.
36. Sometimes there's nothing we can do but wait.
37. We will all be fools at times. When we accept that, our imagination opens to possibilities we were once too wise to consider.
38. If it's not one thing, it's another.
39. Life is not a matter to be managed.
40. A person can't do what can't be done.
41. Like Life, Death makes fools of us all.
42. None of us can afford to miss the opportunities for the freedom to take charge of ourselves and to laugh and enjoy what we can.
43. However well we may prepare, the moment belongs to God.
If you like this thought-provoking values-clarifying list, you might also like Kopp's 43-item Eschatological Laundry List, from 'If you Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him'. It begins with:
1. This is it.
2. There are no hidden meanings.
3. You can't get there from here, and besides there is no place to go.
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