The Courage And Confidence To Be Humorous

Your confidence will come into focus.

Would you like to have the courage to be humorous? Would you like to be less self-conscious about laughing out loud? Do you know how to tell a joke well? Would you like to be more spontaneous with your sense of humor? Would you like to be funnier?

Would you like to have all this in 3 easy lessons? Forgeddaboutit! You can have all this. It will take effort and time, but it's not all that complicated.

It seems to me that many, maybe even most, people are inhibited about these things. For some it is because they have been criticized or judged harshly for the sound of the laughter. The criticisms abound: "You laugh too loud... You giggle too much... You cackle... You snort... Nobody likes that kind of laughter." Et cetera ad nauseum!

Others lack good role models for joke-or-story-telling. Many compare themselves to the great masters of comedy (Carlin, Williams, Carson, Leno, Winters, Ball, Diller, Seinfeld, etc.) and come up short, feeling like failures by comparison.

The first rule of self-esteem: Quit Comparing Yourself to Others. Set reasonable standards for yourself and compare your progress to your own goals.

Remember that courage is not the absence of fear. It is the ability to act in spite of fear or apprehension.

Remember that confidence comes from competence.

To start you on the road to being more funny more spontaneously, here are some great general pointers for developing self-confidence, and specific tips related to being more "in humor".

DEVELOPING SELF-CONFIDENCE IN LIFE AND IN HUMOR

The way you perceive yourself influences both your confidence and your performance. When you BELIEVE IN YOURSELF as a valuable person who is on top of your job, motivation increases and the possibility of peak productivity grows. When you believe in your sense of humor and your ability to bring a smile or chuckle to others, you will be funnier, and be valued by others as someone who helps others to lighten up.

Get in the habit of giving yourself a daily ESTEEM BATH by:

1. Positive self-talk. When you look in the mirror each morning, and as you walk through the office door, say to yourself, "I am somebody special! I make a vital contribution to this organization!" “There are many ways and many opportunities for me to share my sense of humor.” List positive statements about yourself on a card. Record your short and long-term goals and objectives. Work with affirmations. Here is a recorded class on the fascinating ancient spiritual wisdom and modern neurological science of affirmations.

2. The Risk/Reward proposition: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. In general, the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. For starters, calculate smaller risks. Larger risks can come later. You need to get outside -but not too far outside- of your typical comfort zone. At first, set goals to take small risks every day or every week. Do something you have never done before or said you would never try again. Initiate a conversation with a stranger, eat dinner alone or do some public speaking. Tell a joke or otherwise share some humor with someone you know is friendly. Smile!

Start small. Share your humor with one other person.

3. Confidence comes from competence. Competence comes from study and practice. You learn to be funnier the same way you learn to ride a bicycle: by the 'wobble method'. Keep a journal of successes and risks which brought rewards. Dig into your past and add to your journal any successes from the past you can recall. Learn from your mistakes and build on your history of coping with obstacles, solving problems, and finding work-arounds. Get feedback from someone you trust; someone who really understands humor.

4. Conquer unrealistic fears by learning the art of relaxation and deep breathing. When confronted with a anxious situations, take slow deep breaths. Do not hold your breath; that will only increase tension. You cannot feel fear and tranquility at the same time.

5. You don’t even have to say a word. Try this in private: Inhale-Smile-Exhale. Repeat several times. Try it while looking at yourself in a mirror. Inhale-Smile-Exhale-With-An-Unforced-Chuckle. Repeat several times. Try it with another person, maybe on an elevator. Make eye-contact but don’t stare! Try to look friendly.

6. Become aware of your appraisals. In any situation you usually make two appraisals. You estimate what’s at stake and you estimate your resources for dealing with the situation. Accurate estimates are important to give you confidence. Do not overestimate what’s at stake, e.g., is this really an emergency? Do not underestimate your resources, e.g., what skills and talents do you bring to the situation? What resources can you tap? Have you been reading up or taking a class on joke-telling? Have you been practicing? If so, you are entitled to feel more confident.

7. At work, develop enthusiasm for your job. The most promotable people find something exciting about their work. Try to discover how your work really fits into the organization and what it really means to the end-user/customer, e.g., welding parts for surgical tables may seem like routine assembly-line work until your realize how many lives are saved on them in hospitals each year. If you fail in this endeavor - if you can't find one thing rewarding about the job re-evaluate your career goals.

8. Motion creates emotion. Smile. Walk with your head high and your shoulders square. Look people in the eye. Put a spring in your step. Shake hands and introduce yourself. Find your inner warmth and sense of humor and convey them to others. Facial expression can affect emotions. Smile, and place your tongue at the point where your upper teeth meet the roof of your mouth. Hold that for 1-3 minutes. Why it works is too complicated to explain here. Just try it. (Want to learn dozens of quick ways to de-stress?) 

Smile. It increases your face value.

9. Always look your best. Your appearance influences the way you feel. Smile: It increases your face value!

10. Volunteer to help others. Get in the habit of giving just because it feels good. Get in the habit of sharing humor because that feels good, too. Forward funny e-mails. Tweet out a one-liner. Show others humorous greeting cards or cartoons you collected.

11. Read biographies of successful people. Read about the great comedians. Read & collect books of riddles, jokes,a and funny stories.

12. Locate and develop all of your senses of humor; you have several. Become a Humor Powered Person. Read my blog about finding your laughter. Attend self-development workshops. Stand-up comedy classes are not only for performers. They can make you funnier at parties, around the office, with friends, neighbors, and even strangers. Try Jeff Justice or Dave Schwensen. 

13. Talk to yourself as kindly as you would talk to your best friend. Would you call your best friend ugly, incompetent, fat, or stupid? Then don't label yourself that way either.

14. Hang out with positive and funny people. People who care about themselves will find it pleasurable to be good to you. Don't hang around negative people. Two great hangouts are the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor and the International Society for Humor Studies.

15. Get out of the ‘approval business’. Say good-bye to a "victim's" mentality. Quit focusing on how others have mistreated you. Stop value-judging, i.e., stop approving and disapproving of others. Stop looking to others for approval and you will soon find that other’s opinions of you have less power to bring you down. Do something nice for yourself instead.

Stop tuning in to WOPT (What Other People Think)

16. When faced with failure, say to yourself, "This situation didn't work out the way I would have liked." When you succeed, say to yourself, "I am pleased with these results. Good job!" Meet your own standards, don't compare yourself to others. When you tell a joke or otherwise share some humor (a bumper sticker, forwarded e-mail, a wind-up toy, a funny greeting card) that doesn’t get the laugh you hoped for, your humor may have been fine but just not to the other person’s tastes. It’s different jokes for different folks. Don’t insist that the person laugh. Try it with someone else.

17. Give yourself power by deciding what you can do in problem situations. Build strength through constructive action. Work toward accepting the things you cannot change. But, change the things you can. Read 19 ways to enhance your sense of humor. Take the one-hour recorded class “How to Be Funny(ier) And Tell A Joke”.

18. Nobody has permanently high self-esteem. Nobody is funny every time or all of the time. Self-esteem can fluctuate even during the course of a single day. Your goal should be to have it fluctuate overall at higher rather than lower levels. Everyone is vulnerable to having their self-esteem knocked down. The idea is to practice ways of thinking and doing so that you don’t have extreme swings in self-esteem or self-confidence, and so that when you feel down you don’t stay down for very long.

Whether you want to boost your confidence in general, or your funniness, on or off the job, or both, high levels of self-confidence -and funniness- are something you work at, and it pays off.

This 'word cloud' is relevant of the payoff even without a 'joke'.

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THE FUN-MINUTE MANAGER

This Ziggy cartoon illustrates the anti-pleasure, anti-joy, anti-happiness attitude that our society frequently imposes on us in the workplace. Ideas such as “work before play" and the notion that we don't deserve pleasure until all of our work is done, cause many people enormous undeserved guilt and anxiety simply because they took some time to be playful. According to formidable evidence about the relationship between happiness and success, these anhedonic attitudes are likely to be counter-productive.

Anhedonia is the pervasive and damaging mental and emotional condition in which the ability to experience maximum pleasure in life is restricted or curtailed. It wouldn't surprise me if most people in our culture suffer from some degree of anhedonia. Until they correct it they cannot fully enjoy life. They experience guilt, fear, anger, depression, boredom, tension, fatigue, illness and, variations on those painful emotional themes.

We cannot effectively solve life's problems, large or small, if we don't take time off to refresh ourselves and recharge our batteries.

I have long understood that it is not psychologically economical to constantly dwell on a problem. It is advantageous to allow yourself to balance fretful worry with time off.

Shawn Achor, the CEO of Good Think and the author of The Happiness Advantage (Crown Business, 2010), has lots of evidence that happiness is important to the company’s bottom-line. “It's clear that increasing your happiness improves your chances of success,” he says. “Developing new habits, nurturing your coworkers, and thinking positively about stress are good ways to start. For companies, happy employees mean better bottom-line results. Employees who score low in ‘life satisfaction,’ stay home an average of 1.25 more days a month, a 2008 study by Gallup Healthways shows. That translates into a decrease in productivity of 15 days a year.

He cites another study that found that employees who score high in ‘life satisfaction’ are significantly more likely to receive high ratings from customers. Retail stores that scored higher on employee life satisfaction generated $21 more in earnings per square foot of space than the other stores, adding $32 million in additional profits for the whole chain.”

Achor suggests making a list of the stresses you’re under. “Place them into two groups—the ones you can control (like a project or your in-box) and those you can’t (the stock market, housing prices). Choose one stress that you can control and come up with a small, concrete step you can take to reduce it. In this way you can nudge your brain back to a positive—and productive—mind-set.”

I would add my strong suggestion that the small, concrete step may well involve a short respite from your problems, including time spent in activities that are pleasurable: a nap, a massage, an ice-cream cone, a manicure, a walk, a funny movie, a comedy club. Putting your worries in a compartment where you won’t be distracted by them for a couple for hours or days, may be the best way to let your brain incubate on solutions and come up with the best ones.

Being totally immersed , involved, and absorbed with our problems narrows our perspective so we can't see all sides of the situation and we don't do our best thinking about coping and finding solutions. Wallowing in worry is wasteful; we become overwhelmed and our mental faculties overload to the point of shutdown or, worse, making bad decisions.

Claiming permission for our own guilt-free laughter, pleasure, and play infuses more energizing and productive attitudes and emotions into all aspects of life, at home, at work, or wherever, is the process by which we can overcome our anhedonic tendencies.

One of the psychological dynamics of humor is that it shows us other ways of looking at things. The humorous perspective, often referred to as psychological distance, gives us temporary relief from the stress of worry and the opportunity to see more resources and  better ways of dealing with situations.

When Dr. Kenneth Blanchard, co-author of "The One Minute Manager", renowned speaker and management consultant was interviewed by Joel Goodman, founder of The Humor Project and editor of Laughing Matters, he offered thoughts about people, productivity, and the world of work that had a touch of the humorous perspective:

"The ultimate in self-actualization,” Blanchard said, “is when a person is confused about the difference between employment and recreation."

"A university is defined as thousands of people gathered around a common parking problem."

"One day a little girl asked her mother, "Mommy, why does Daddy br1ng so much work home at night?" "Because he doesn’t have time to finish it at work," answered the mother. "Then why don't they put him in a slower group?" asked the little girl.

"The value of being able to laugh at ourselves when we make a mistake: it helps us get on with our work."
In and of themselves, humor, laughter, and play may not be solutions, but properly applied they can lead to good solutions and turn run-of-the-mill into fun-of-the-mill. Try them soon!

Learn more about the topic at:
 World Laughter Tour, Inc.
 The Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor
 The International Society for Humor Studies

Women at Work: Funny AND Successful

Humor-wise, author, humorist, and feminist, Dr. Gina Barreca, sees the world changing for women at work. "Humor from women," she says, "is not only increasingly acceptable both individually and in a professional setting: it’s expected. It’s regarded as part of leadership skill-set. Humor is an indication of quick-thinking, careful listening, an ability to take controlled risks and the desire to play well with others."

Here's my advice for women about being funny at work: use humor strategically. See details below. There is evidence that a woman’s good sense of humor can benefit her career. When 200 executives were asked to name the qualities that kept women from succeeding, lack of a sense of humor was near the top of the list.

Using humor improves a woman’s chances of attracting power and credibility, but women should be aware of a double standard when attempting to inject some humor into a situation. A woman telling a joke is not likely be viewed with the same acceptance as a man telling the same joke. So says psychologist Steve Wilson, an internationally recognized authority on applied and therapeutic humor.

 

Viva la Difference?

Understanding the gender issues associated with humor helps women benefit from the strategic use of humor, which has traditionally been available primarily to men in the workplace.

 

·         Men and women have somewhat different senses of humor; women's humor tends to be kinder than men's.

·         Men will joke about almost anything (gratuitous humor); women's humor tends to be empathetic, situational, or funny stories about the family or everyday life; creating harmony where there has been tension.

·         Men tend to be comfortable telling jokes to anyone who will listen; typically, women are more comfortable telling jokes to small groups of people they know well.

·         Women have greater social permission than men to laugh at even the smallest amount of humor. Men often feel a “masculine imperative” to make others laugh while also daring others to “make me laugh!”

·         In our culture, it is generally expected that the man will initiate the humor and the woman will be passive and receptive; and, men and women have different comfort levels about taking center stage or having power.

·         Men are more expected to be able to take "practical" jokes and dish them out.

 

Management consultant, Dr. Barbara Mackoff says that women in business need to show a good sense of humor. “In reality,” she says, "a woman can be funny and still maintain her credibility."

 

Funny, credible, and VERY successful

Writing for FORBES about humor as a key to success at work, Jacquelyn Smith says, “Whatever the reason might be, if you or your colleagues tend to be dry and dull in the office, you’ll want to work on injecting more humor into your workday.”  Smith quotes Lynn Taylor, workplace expert, “You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian, but well-placed humor that is clever and apropos to a business situation always enhances an employee's career.”

Showing one’s good sense of humor has advantages in hiring, promotion, and leadership opportunities. Long the hallmark of a pleasant personality, employees with a sense of humor are viewed as having highly desirable traits required of today’s leaders, executives, managers and supervisors: flexible, creative, and adaptable to change.

When you use humor you do not stop being serious about your responsibilities, values, goals, and beliefs; you show that you can take yourself lightly. Studies show that executives believe that employees with a sense of humor do a better job; and, CEOs prefer job candidates with a sense of humor. The two most desirable traits in leaders were found to be a strong work ethic and a good sense of humor.  Donna Couper, a business consultant, says, "Even in a job interview, assuming you're qualified for the position, showing that you have a sense of humor will make your prospective employer feel more comfortable with you."

Effective work teams develop a special form of group humor called "the inside joke", a humor-in-common language that plays a bonding role, strengthening loyalty, and making the work environment more pleasant and, yes, more productive, too.

 

 

Much joking fits in with a competitive style that is more comfortable for men. Certainly, women do tell jokes, and many can do it well.  However, according to Professor Deborah Tannen, "Since [women] are not driven to seek and hold center stage in a group, they do not need a store of jokes to whip out for this purpose." She also reported, "There are fewer such (story-telling) personalities among women than among men. Many women who do tell jokes to large groups of people come from ethnic backgrounds in which verbal performance is highly valued.  Many women are less likely than men to tell jokes in large groups, especially groups including men."

Jenna Goudreau, FORBES staff writer about business and women’s leadership, calls the idea that humor is dangerous in the office is “old-school HR.” Rapidly going out of vogue are Victorian ideas about laughter and humor such as: women should always be able to take a joke but not get a certain innuendo; women should laugh along with the laugh track; smile perpetually; and, women should not laugh with their mouths open.

 

Advice For Women Using Humor At Work

1. Don't merely imitate men's humor. Women's humor has the advantage of tending to be more personal and situational, with the effect of being harmonizing.

2. You do not need to tell jokes: a warm smile, a true story, the “Erma Bombeck” view of things, or a well-timed ad lib can bring even more benefits than jokes. Beverly Sills said, "I can't be happy every day, but at least I can be cheerful."

3. Use only humor that fits you, that fits the occasion and the audience, and when the time is right (not “too soon”).

4. Promote the use of humor in company newsletters and on bulletin boards.

5. Encourage "humor breaks" or times when everyone can lighten up for a few minutes.

6. If the joke has to be "on" someone, make it yourself, but NEVER belittle yourself with a joke.

7. Don't poke fun at abilities, race, religion, gender or anything that other people couldn't change in the next five minutes.

8. If you do decide to tell jokes, practice privately until you can tell them well.

CAUTIONS: Be wary of humor overkill. The “class clown” may be a distraction and barrier to teamwork. When it comes to humor, everyone must be sensitive and sensible. There is no place in the work place for humor that is sarcastic, ridiculing, uses taboo language, or is sexual, sexist, racist, age-ist, or otherwise puts people down. Use humor that lifts people up, and draws them together.

Goudreau cites psychologist Steven Sultanoff, PhD, an expert on applied humor, saying, “used effectively, humor helps people get along, decreases turnover and increases productivity. And that’s no joke.”